Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
