saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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