Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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