I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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