He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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