do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
