imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
