oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
