but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
