Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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