Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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