So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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