I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
