are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Congratulations! We have a period
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