tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
