Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
