you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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