I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
