Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
