I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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