my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
