I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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