3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
