I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
