i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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