I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
