I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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