so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
