Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
