im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
