Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
