I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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