you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
