So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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