Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
