You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
