White coat. Heels.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
These tits shall not be calmed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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