Yo dont text me then not text me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
