do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
