Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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