Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
