I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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