I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
