Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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