It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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