when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
