I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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