she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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