Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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