I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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