this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
pop tarts are not kleenex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
