Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
