My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
